. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
He is imbedded in me. A chunk of my heart has been stained with his disease and it won't forget. Though the feelings are changed, the memories linger and I miss them just as much as I miss the deceased. In a way he is dead to my life and it only makes me feel worse. I constantly wonder what he could be doing, is he happy? He has never been happy. I haven't been able to let go. I have tried. There are men who might want me and I push them away, all for a memory of something I denied? I've meet a really nice guy in Atlanta. There are lots of things I like about him. But then I have found that he reminds me very much of that lost memory. He even looks like him. And I wonder if I only like this person because he reminds me of the other? Is that wrong? Yes it is Angelina. But he is also unlike him. I mean, he isn't him!

It's like that Usher song.

shit fuck tard bastard dickface puke mullet on a dog with. Rabbies.


anyway.

...
I'm in Atlanta for Thanksgiving with my Father. I'm going to be here till the end of November. It's been fun so far. Went to a hockey game. I like hockey now. My dad's backyard is a forest. Takin' some pictures. Meet a guy who I kinda like. Not going to explain how I met him because that would take too long. Might meet him again. Besides that I gotta try bonding with my Father, since we haven't done much of that in my whole lifetime. We've got 20 years of bonding to catch up on.

Look. It's us at the hockey game. We look very much alike. But I think I also look a lot like my mother now that I've had time to compare our faces. Dang I look like him though. It's our huge noses.

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So my best bud Tamara and her boyfriend are doing the Nanowrimo! And I decided to do it too! What you do is try to write a whole novel in the month of november! However I started six days into november so I really behind in my word count. But I am really enjoying myself writing, and I like my novel.

I'm writing about VAMPIRES! Typical I know. But I HATE what TWILIGHT has done to Vampires so I thought i'd do my own damn version since every other fool seems to be doing it. WHY NOT!

I already like my characters even though they aren't very developed. I should be around 25,000 words by now and i've only got 10,000! But it's okay.

My Vampire is named Simon. (I had just finished reading Lord of the Flies recently) and my main character's name is Evangeline. Or Eva for short. I can't help it I love that name. Why shouldn't I use it?

That stupid lady Stephanie Myers used Bella and Edward! The JERK! Those are good names and she ruined them, just like she ruined Vampires. Stupid glittery fake Vampires.

Anyway! GO NANOWRIMO! now lets write!
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Then here's an awesome list naming 70 of the TOP Vampire Movies. Though "Let the right one in" isn't on the list, i'm sure they'll update it eventually. I gotta see these movies!

click this to get there.

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I have found some baffling news about Oldboy, one of our favorite films!!!

Stephen Speilberg and Will Smith are being sneaky little hollywood shoplifters and are going to do a sort of remake of OLDBOY. Which has upset many people, and even made them laugh, especially since Will Smith will be lead man, or rather, lead Oldboy.

Original Oldboy

Big Willie Style Oldboy


I found an article HERE that confirms Stephen and Will's conspiring to ruin a perfectly fine film.

apparently Speilberg is only trying to get the rights to the graphic novel of Oldboy that was made after the movie.

Sneakily trying to make die hard fans believe that this new version ISN'T a straight rip off, but a completely alternate version. PAH!

Look Stephen, please don't do what the rest of SHIT hollywood does and ruin perfectly good movies. Why don't you be creative? PLEASE! I love all of your movies! (except Indiana Jones #4, fucking alien shit)

Oldboy is great. I don't want another one. DAMN YOU! I dont' blame Big Willie, but..

NO WILL SMITH NOOOO!!!!!!

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I never use my facebook, but after watching my roommate play this crazy ass app on facebook I told her to invite me to it and thus began my demise.


This shit, Cafe World, is so addicting. I don't know why, but somehow it is. You have your own cafe. You make food, (the food cooks in real time, which sucks) and customers come in and eat the food and pay for it. You make money and Chef points and expand your cafe, buy shit and so on. And you get to design a cute character. And you can visit your friends cafe's if they have one, it's like a infectious disease. I swear. But it's fun, and I'm finally using my facebook. haha


oh! and i'm tank girl for Halloween! or will be! hopefully it will be wonderbar!


so excited.

am I not Tank Girl?
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I will have skin like this soon. I will achieve it. I have to.




This lady, Scarlett Johansson, seriously has the most perfect face and flawless skin in the world. Her kind of look is my goal.
I will have skin as perfect as hers. I can make it happen. I've got the Secret. It's confidence and believing it's happening.

I also will perfect my body. I'm not fit, i'm lazy and get funny aches and pains for no reason. I need to be more active. Fuck this lazy shit. I'm tired of myself. I'm tired of the way I am. It's time to fix it.

I'm ready.
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I'm goin' nuts for steampunk right now.
steampunk attire
steampunk gadgets
>coolest steampunk goggles ever made by man
I want these shoes!


I'm falling into this subculture and by golly I like it.
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Today, on my birthday, I vow to become an artist again.

I will fuel my creative energies and fully come into my being,
I will be a photographer, a graphic artist, and an illustrator.


Today, I will be four and twenty years of age. It has all lead up to this point in my life. There is no more try, there is no more fail, there is only this.

We are put on this earth for a reason, to have a fulfilling and enjoyable existence. I am finally ready for it. And you can't have it until you are ready.

The time is now! heed the call Angelina!



DO OR DO NOT.
.There is no try.

Friggin' yoda is the man.
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why do men hurt women?

and,

Why do people want to die when their lives are much more fulfilling than others?

and,

Why do people not want to die when their lives are pits of dispair?

A person who deserves to live and to love must struggle. It is through that stuggle that makes their life so much more worth living.

are you saying I need to struggle? I need to feel pain and cry and feel the sting of loneliness?

And that my life will be more fulfilled if I do so?

well ma'am.

you're fucking crazy.

maybe it's better to not feel.
.
.

I want to be as cold as the mood.
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I did!

Lookie!


do yours here!
blockposters.com
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Tonight I watched Inglorious Bastards.
And I am going to watch it again this Saturday, because it is worth watching a second time, a third time, and maybe even a fourth or fifth time on the big screen.
I was really impressed with the film, and my gosh! If ONLY WWII could have ended that way! What a beautiful thing it would have been.

Anywho, on to Til Schweiger!


He played Hugo Steiglitz in the film. I had known him from other films, like SLC PUNK, but watching him again, (and he is very bad ass in this movie, by the way) it had rekindled my love for deliciously hot 40 something year olds. No, i've always had a thing for older men. It just rekindled my love for his wonderful face to gawk at.
But anyway, he is so very, VERY attractive! Don't you agree? Even at 46!
So much that I am writing a blog post about it.

His role wasn't as big as i'd have liked it to be. But he was great as being a scary murderous bastard. AND! i'm so impressed with how short the movie felt... especially since it was 3 hours long! That's how good it was at keeping my interest! Fantastic Quintin! Good job.



ANYWAYZ!
As I was viewing Til's imdb profile, I came across a lovely photo of him and his family. And wowza! he has four kids! I guess he never misses! A man that hot, I can understand would never miss. I am envious of his wife, she is a lucky lady.

I also found this video when he was a bit younger being interviewed.
I have no idea what this video is about! It is really confusing and is in german so that really doesn't help either.
But he makes some <3 adorable <3 faces while answering whatever those questions are.

This man is beyond hot to me. Yes!
He is hotter than Johnny Depp and Brad Pitt combined! I said it. I speak truth!
Or anyway, that's my own opinion.

yum yum.

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I was trying to find pictures on the intra-webs of Ralph Nader as a young man because, well...
I find him attractive, I voted for him once, and he was actually really hot when he was younger.

And while trying to find said pictures I ended up finding a terrific article about him... A reporter named Jennifer Bleyer, was following his campaign in 2000 and told us of her massive crush she began to have for him. The article was quite fun, especially since I too have a delicious crush on that amazing old fart.

I thought I would share it with you.

CLICK TO READ

And here is a snippet to get you interested.

"My desire for Ralph grew in increments, peaking at times, subsiding at others, but generally driving my heart and other organs into a frenzy. I loved the way his tongue flicked when he said "wage slave," the way his lips curled on "globalization." I felt jealous when perky college girls with unbelievably straight hair and matching jeans gathered at his van window to coo, "We love you, Ralph!"

OH RALPH! you lovely man. Let me know if you enjoyed the article as much as I did.


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I murdered my rat. I killed my pet. I had a hitman, disguised as a Veternarian, murder my rat. She could have gotten better. Maybe on a different antibiotic? Why did I let this happen? What could I have done? I'm a murderer.

I'm so sorry Squee.

Just look at you. Look at how beautiful you were before you got sick.


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Today I came home and decided to let the rats out so they could play. My rat Squee has been sick for a while. At first I didn't know what she had and she was acting really sick and was bleeding. I took her to the vet and it turned out it wasn't blood but she had a really bad uterus infection. The doc gave me antibiotics but said the only way to get rid of it for good was to have surgery. I don't know how old squee is because I adopted her, if she was young it would be a good idea to do the surgery. And if I had that kind of money it would be a great idea. But i don't. So I took the antibiotics and hoped she'd get better. But today while she was walking around my room I noticed she wasn't able to walk right. And her insides look like they are dragging her down, she just looks horrible. She acts like she's fine, but the rest of her isn't acting that way. I was hoping the antibiotics would work but I don't think they are at all. And they won't be able to help her for very long without getting her uterus taken out. I don't want to put her down. But I think I have to. I will take her to the vet tomorrow to see what she says but I know she will tell me I should. I can't. I begged God if she could get better and he didn't do it. I know she's just a rat but I love her, she was my favorite. She acts like she's okay and sometimes she doesn't. I don't want to kill her, I don't want to murder my rat. But I think she is suffering. She can't be doing good, I can't just let it go on like this. I just don't want to. I don't want her to die. I love her. It's 2am in the morning and i'm crying my face off because I don't want to kill my rat. And the other rats, how will they react with her gone? Will they be sad? Stormy will, I know it. She's her sister, they always sleep together and stormy cleans her. Will they realized what i've done? That i've killed their sister? I can't just let her keep getting worse and then i'll find her dead in the cage with the other three wondering what happened. I don't know what to do. I just know I have to take her to the vet tomorrow come rain or shine. And I will probably put her down. Another of my animals I will put down. I can't take this anymore. I don't want rats anymore. They die too easily, and I get attached just as much as I do any animal. I can't take it. I can't take death. It's worse and worse, this feeling. I don't want the things I love to die. please stop.

Squee i'm so sorry. I'm sorry if I put you down tomorrow. Just know I love you so much. Please forgive me.

Angelina.
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very, VERY randomly I decided to revamp my blog. Both this one and my portfolio blog and I am more than happy to say they are so posh I could keel over.
I am very happy about the way they turned out. I got to learn a little more HTML, I feel better about my internet stance and then there's the downside... I spent possibly over five hours doing all this. In a two day span. I missed going to a show at the Equinox to do this shit.

Then again, I don't quite care about going to shows lately. I couldn't give a gosh darn damn. But don't get me wrong, I was just at an amazing show just some days ago. It was one of the best by far this year. But, I have been sick of this town lately. And nothing seems to make that feeling go away. Not going to shows, or hanging out with friends, or even hanging out with my familia. The only comfort is being alone. Alone with my laptop. Or a book. Or a movie that I love. Or cleaning the house. Or playing with my rats.

But even then I get impatient with my life. Impatient that things aren't going quite as you hoped. I want more out of my life and it hasn't been putting out. I know it's up to me to make it happen, but at the moment I am very stuck. I don't want to end up staying in Las Cruces longer than I have to. We can't stay here, you know? We need to find better things, I want us to. I want to. I want more!

Please sir, I want some more.

now... watch this music video I made a couple of weeks ago when I was bored.


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